Some Christmas Eve honesty

When you go to college, you get to start everything fresh. You can remake yourself as much as you want to. Everyone gets that. What I didn’t think of is that you’re new only for the people at your college. When you go home, there’s no avoiding who you were. Your old self is there, in everybody’s eyes and memories, and you have to return to living with the consequences of your actions.

I started shedding my friends halfway through high school, and the ones who are left are few. I wish my dear new friends were with me to protect me from the past, armoring me with their laughter and hugs, but they’re scattered across the United States (and further) right now, and all I have is some pictures of their lovely familiar faces and a phone with lots of numbers in its address book.

Right now I don’t actually know if I’ve changed at all, and I don't like that thought.
I'd like to think that in the space between when I wrote that (n.b. a melancholy day anyways) and now I have reconciled these...two existences? (forgive me if that sounds dramatic) -- a bit more, at least. That's easy to say now, though; I'm at school. Haha.


Nerd Goddess 2/14/2008 11:20 AM  

That's an interesting though. College can be tough that way, because in so many ways, it is starting over, and trying to be... better? But I understand you, and I hope that you continue to feel less torn in two, and more like the awesome person I'm sure you are.

Thanks for the post!

Maribeth Kayla 2/15/2008 4:27 PM  

I sort of understand even though I'm not in college. I've changed sooo much just since high school started.

Leanna 2/16/2008 9:10 AM  

I'm not in college either, but I understand a lot about that. It's interesting how much I've changed just in the past couple of years.

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