So I can fall asleep tonight

It's okay that I'm afraid that I won't be able to get another job whenever I leave this one.

It's okay that I'm not ready to deal with the idea of going back to the college where I started.

It's okay that I'm worried about my happiness not being durable enough.

It's okay that I don't know when or even if I'll get a college degree.

It's okay that I don't have plans for much past this semester.

I'm not there yet. Life gets bigger but so do I. All I have to do is now. Just because I don't always feel brave, certain, or strong doesn't mean anything in the future is going to be too much for me.

***

I'm not sure when this blog starting taking the place of my journal, but it has.

Sometimes I don't know whether to keep posts like this unpublished or not. I don't know if they're interesting to other people.

15 comments:

Alla 8/17/2009 11:46 PM  

I LOVE this post, its honest and raw and straight to the point. xo

Summermoon 8/18/2009 12:45 AM  

You're always interesting.

the girl from the moon 8/18/2009 1:01 AM  

chica, i always need to hear what you have to say, k?

and i'm very happy you figured out the lobster bit =]

Cassandra 8/18/2009 1:02 AM  

Ditto Summermoon. I think this is inspiring.

Beth Kephart 8/18/2009 2:35 AM  

You are one of the most bloggingly honest people I read. And yes, it's okay. You are smart enough for anything.

Gem 8/18/2009 2:36 AM  

i like reading posts like this. it makes me realise i'm not alone in feeling these things.

R. 8/18/2009 3:07 AM  

I'm not there yet. Life gets bigger but so do I. All I have to do is now. Just because I don't always feel brave, certain, or strong doesn't mean anything in the future is going to be too much for me.

This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear right now. Thank you.

--xo.

P.S. A reply to your e-mail is coming soon, sorry for the delay!

Carly 8/18/2009 5:33 AM  

I think it's interesting.
And I can tell you that it's ok to have no idea. It's called living in the moment. x.

Tash 8/18/2009 10:33 AM  

I love your takes on life. Please hit "publish" more often.

pinkapplecore 8/18/2009 12:22 PM  

it's okay to not have a plan... that's what makes life interesting

sallyhanan 8/18/2009 12:39 PM  

Sometimes it's in the not knowing that you are more open to the knowing, if you know what I mean. :)

I finished a college degree in nursing just because I didn't know what to do with my life. It didn't kill me, and I didn't stay nursing for long (just a few years), but it was very constructive in my personal growth, closeness to God, and preparation for what would happen in the years that followed.

Even if you are not sure about anything, pick the path that looks the most interesting and walk on it awhile.

wilsonian 8/18/2009 3:25 PM  

You must not know that you lend courage.
Even to middle aged women :)
Now you know.

Sarah Louise 8/18/2009 4:28 PM  

It is okay, it is.

cuileann 8/18/2009 11:42 PM  

You're marvelous. Thanks for being here.

Gem - Definitely not. xo

R. - No worries!

Tash - Then I will.

sallyhanan - That is a wonderful piece of advice and the perfect illustration. Thanks so much. :)

wilsonian - Thanks so much for saying that. It makes me think that I'm being who I'm meant to be.

Danielle 3/25/2010 8:22 PM  

I enjoy these posts the most.

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