My astronaut sister left today

How long does missing last? I don't remember.

I ride the streetcar in a trance of ache and music. Taking up my usual two seats. Wondering as usual when I will find the psychopath who needs only that to push them over the edge.

The air is autumn, even though we are by the sea in California where you'd think nothing ever changes. It's as thin and golden as I remember it being in the Midwest. Long late cool sun. San Francisco can be paralyzing, because even when I want to leave I don't see how I can, could, because there's never forgetting how it is here and how it is here it never is elsewhere.

The flicker of light against a stranger's face as he lights his cigarette. When I glance down the street we are crossing and see a woman fighting in the wind with the fabric of her wrap. How I don't want to talk to people who don't believe in that elephant we are talking around. These are the kinds of things I notice today, after you are gone.


Erin 10/10/2009 9:36 PM  

that first sentence especially gets me.

it's all beautiful, though.

Beth Kephart 10/11/2009 3:59 AM  

oh, ache

pinkapplecore 10/11/2009 6:57 AM  

love the elephant part.

I hope you have a relaxing weekend hun!

Janice (jambam) 10/12/2009 1:40 AM  

beautiful writing

kelly 10/12/2009 9:13 PM  

Who are you? Seriously, who?
Your words pulse.

cuileann 10/20/2009 9:11 AM  

Kelly - I'm a student, ish. Twenty, San Franciscan. Is that the kind of answer you were looking for? And thanks for dropping by.

minteva 1/01/2010 4:31 AM  

i love, love, love the first line. it always pops into my head at random moments.

Kelly (conversemomma) 4/07/2010 6:58 PM  

Hey love, will you submit this post to It is and has always been one of my favorite on the web. I would love for your blog to get more recognition. Check us out.

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