Daylight, rainlight

The last couple weeks of the semester were mad and striped with loveliness. I filled out review sheets and wrote about the Abrahamic religions, about consumerism in the inner city. I proofread German for Alaskan Anna. I took my sleep in two four-hour shifts each day day. When my hair looked dirty, I took a shower. I almost literally dangled an ARC of Beth's new book, Dangerous Neighbors, in front of myself as a carrot to keep me moving forward. It sat on the shelf above my desk, just at eye level.

And I drank tea with my friends when we could. I said goodbye to this one for who knows how long. I packed up my life in suitcases and boxes again.

Coming home is different this time, because I spent all of 2009 here and it wasn't an in-between-semesters home; it was where I made my life, and I love what I made of it here. I made it slow and sweet. Careful eyes and cooking, reading and walking, grocery walks and letter-writing. My darling rat, our fussy cat. The day of small things, or the year, and the not-so-small becoming.

And here I am again, by the sea, in the rain-light
who knows what season it is here?
water falling from this nowhere color we live under
the season of loving and praying.

14 comments:

Milli 5/10/2010 1:05 PM  

"water falling from this nowhere color we live under
the season of loving and praying."
That's lovely.

gabi dickinson 5/10/2010 1:06 PM  

''do not despise the day of small beginnings''

Jenica 5/10/2010 1:10 PM  

"this nowhere color we live under" -- I love this phrase! Your semester's final weeks sound beautiful, in a hectic and frenzied, yet wistful, kind of way.
(oh, I got my picture in the mail today! It's so lively, and I love it. thank you!)

Holly 5/10/2010 2:02 PM  

Milli - Thank you. As it is here. :)

gabi - exACTLY what I was thinking of. That was in my last reading assignment for Old Testament and it so surprised me.

Jenica - The sky here tends towards whiteness, emptiness, can't-see-the-sun-ness. Do you know? Rain looks like it's appearing out of thin air, when there are no clouds like this. Which picture was it?

aipingplum 5/10/2010 10:44 PM  

Wow, I don't know why but this post almost brought tears to my eyes. I just identify with and remember that feeling so much. Semesters at Wheaton are so long and heavy, but yet, as you put it, striped with loveliness. And then at the end, always building up to so much stress and pressure, everyone in a frenzy...and then that abrupt ending when you write your last words on your very last test or final paper and suddenly everything lifts and you pack up and everyone disappears, and you leave it all behind...

2 years removed but it's all so fresh in my mind. Wheaton is such an experience. I'm proud of you for making it through another semester.

Beth Kephart 5/11/2010 4:10 AM  

Your happiness is our happiness....

And the thought of that dangling book makes me smile.

Edge 5/11/2010 8:34 AM  

Your writing is lovely, Cuil, always.

Shelley 5/11/2010 11:51 AM  

That picture coupled with the recipe is destroying my resolution to eat healthy!

Je Reve 5/11/2010 12:09 PM  

Welcome back to the city. Hope your summer is with the blue Bay sky, only dappled with the blank sheet that is NorCal fog.

Holly 5/11/2010 8:10 PM  

aipingplum - Thank you so much. I am quite glad that you know just what I'm talking about.

Beth - I just finished it yesterday!

Edge - Thank you, Mads.

Shelley - Moderation in all things is perfectly healthy, is what I say. :)

Je Reve - Why thank you! A perfect wish. Are you from around here?

Jenica 5/11/2010 8:47 PM  

We get that sky, sometimes, especially during the early months.
It was a picture with a plant in the foreground, against a window with christmas lights strung across it and a drawing hung upon it, a drawing of flowers and hearts and the sun. There's some writing too that's blocked by the plant.

Holly 5/11/2010 10:19 PM  

Jenica - Ah yeah! From the house where I babysit/housesit/puppysit. :D

Anonymous 5/11/2010 11:56 PM  

Welcome home to the sunset!!

Holly 5/11/2010 11:59 PM  

Anonymous - Thank you! :D

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