Zombie./Fall is a tide which is coming in

October light is the hardest for depressive brains, I have heard. I will be glad when it's over. In some ways the blue light and long nights of winter are easier than the heartbreaking fall of light we see lately here in the evening. I can't explain what it is, but you know. Other things: leaves falling like snow when the wind blows, bright skies, the first chill in the air, dry leaves chasing their way down the street. An insistent longing to be on my way, an overdose of memories. My face gets tired of moving and making expressions like normal people's do, and I worry about becoming a zombie. I grow too many realizations, and I grow afraid. I hope it will pass, and I believe it must. I find myself out on my bike late at night riding to the supermarket, except I don't need anything, so I walk laps through their aisles and test enough nail polish for all my fingers, and iTunes tells me I have listened to their album 147 times since downloading it two weeks ago.

Every time I see ginger, I feel compelled to make a little dig in it with my fingernail to release the scent.

Backyard tea. (And she is so wonderful.)

Allison took this picture of me.

I am looking forward to maybe seeing this lake frozen over in a few month.
The largest body of water I've ever seen frozen is a backyard fish pond.
(Nikki gave me $.75 for Haiti to hop the fence and go walking on it, or rather, in it.)
AH. No, not quite true. The City Pond in Reykjavik froze over while I was there.

I saw a girl gathering these red leaves in her fist. 
She had arranged them and twisted their stems together to make something like a rose.


pinkapplecore 10/18/2010 6:33 AM  

I love that picture of you! :3

Noël De Vries 10/18/2010 7:22 AM  

danke for the memoryhouse heads up... i'm in loving them.

red-handed 10/18/2010 10:28 AM  

You can taste the fresh air from these ...

Georgie K. Buttons 10/19/2010 2:31 PM  

Maybe the light has something to do with my lack of energy. It always hits in the fall...good thing we have colorful leaves to brighten things. :)

Allison 10/19/2010 9:06 PM  

love love love.
would it be strange for me to buy pictures of my own house, my own kitchen, my own creations?

Holly 10/19/2010 10:40 PM  

pinkapplecore - it's kinda nice, isn't it? :)

Noel - oh good. another one hooked!

red-handed - fresh in the process of rounding the temperature bend to chilly.

Georgie - especially at night; they make the darkness less dark. the same way snow does.

Allison - I'm not a good judge, but you could definitely pull it off, haha! when I'm eccentric and old, all the pictures on my walls will be repeats of things in each respective room.

martin 10/22/2010 3:20 AM  


basicly graphic design. at malmö university it's called visual communication. but i miss my art school, the swedish one is pretty basic and boring.

i'm jealous. i also want to go to reykjavik soon.

Holly 10/22/2010 8:13 PM  

martin - ah, I see. what is your school in Germany? and yes, you should. you'll never forget it.

Shelley 10/23/2010 8:04 AM  

Just wanted to say: (1) I loved and appreciated the comment you left for me, and (2) not being artistic, I was just musing over your photographs above, and suddenly realized that, as with Turner, the true star in every one of them is the light.

Holly 10/23/2010 5:25 PM  

Shelley - I guess that is true!

Geo 10/25/2010 6:14 PM  

it's true about that october air.

lovely lovely photos.

explicit.rex 10/25/2010 8:12 PM  

I know exactly, exactly, exactly what you mean about autumn light. Overdose of memories. Feeling like a zombie. Listening to the same two songs I began to like at the beginning of the summer over, and over, and over. I'm starting to feel incredibly isolated and detached and it's making me do abrupt, stupid, mindnumbing things.

Holly 10/25/2010 9:19 PM  

Geo - thank you so much.

Zeolite - yes...I wish I understood why it does that to people. I sympathize with the isolating as well. will you find relief, do you think?

Erin 11/17/2010 1:25 PM  

"I grow too many realizations, and I grow afraid."

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