I have salty fingers and I am not a sex object

I realized that I feel slightly uncomfortable licking my fingers in front of boys. While eating, I mean. (I'm thinking about this because I eat my lunch in class twice a week this semester, and that's more conspicuous eating.) It feels a bit provocative, a bit like I'm trying to call attention to myself.

That pisses me off.

Why do so many ordinary actions automatically become sexual when a woman does them? Why does there have to be this collective mental library of commercials and ads and movies where we've seen that action in slow motion and with music or a sex face?

Could an attractive woman climb the ladder out of the pool in a tight, dripping swimsuit (as swimsuits are wont to be/after having been swum in) and simply be a person exiting the pool? Because that's probably what she is, first and foremost.

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. And sometimes, licking salt off your fingers means nothing except that there's salt on your fingers and you don't have a napkin.

Freedom to be sexual is all very well, but it doesn't mean much without freedom to NOT to be sexualized.


geekspawn 1/31/2011 2:39 PM  

Always wondered if I was the only one who ever felt like this.

anilee 1/31/2011 2:45 PM  

Because we female objects exist simply to drive men crazy with lust, duh, so if we didn't do everything in a sexual way...well, then we'd be defective and we'd get cast aside in favour of newer, better models that actually worked.

Holly 1/31/2011 3:00 PM  

geekspawn - Oh Faith, when I was writing this I kept second-guessing myself: "Are you sure you're not the only one who feels this way? What if people read it and are like, 'What's her deal? *I* don't think like that.'" Haha. But there we are.

Anilee - Defective...I like it. What an honor.

Holly And the Ivy 1/31/2011 3:25 PM  

I think I subconciously stopped licking my fingers in front of anyone for this reason and that I don't really like seeing it myself, but I never voiced it as I thought people would think me too sexually driven. Urgh such a sexy sex sex world >.<
Still, I can't say that most of it makes me giggle :P

Debbie Barr 1/31/2011 4:08 PM  

Hmmm.... I guess I worry about this more when I have to -discretely- adjust my bra in public or something. And also walking down stairs. Because when you have a bigger chest, walking down stairs can, at times, be kind of a problem.

Julia 1/31/2011 5:37 PM  

@Debbie oh yes. agreed. I wear sweatshirts a lot when I go out come autumn.

Holly-- you have a voice, and it is loud and wonderful. sometimes you speak for all of the people who aren't sure what to complain about. love you and this post.

-Shawn Elyse 1/31/2011 5:42 PM  

Yeah. Half the human race is want to be idiots.

Cassandra 1/31/2011 5:57 PM  

Hear hear. Well said/written.

sui 1/31/2011 7:14 PM  

I lick my fingers. if there's yummy food on my fingers, I'm going to lick them.

screw what anyone else thinks. :)

pinkapplecore 1/31/2011 7:32 PM  

hmmm, I think someone can look "attractive" or "sexy" doing anything depending on what you fancy. I understand what you are saying but i'm sure that for as many men and women who might find it sexy i'm sure there are those who don't. Not every one finds that sexy.

Holly 1/31/2011 8:15 PM  

Holly - Yes, I had a small concern that that's what people would think when I posted this. "Where's her mind?!" Perhaps you and I should join Sui's campaign, heh.

Debbie - I reckon the risk of being taken as provocative without grounds is one of the problems of being larger-busted. What do you think?

Julia - Same question as for Debbie. And thank you, so much.

Shawn Elyse - You know, I really don't know where the buck should ultimately stop on this one.

Cassandra - Thank you, Cassandra. :)

sui - I say, hurRAH and power to that.

pinkapplecore - Right. I think we're talking about different kinds of sexy -- me as a culture idea of what is sexual, rather than what might actually be a turn-on for a given individual. I agree, probably there IS often a difference between the two.

Erin 1/31/2011 10:23 PM  

Once I was on some caRAzy "Christian" website reading this list of things that teen guys find "stumbling" in their faith that girls do. One of the items was when girls put lip gloss on in front of them. I thought that was compleeeetely ridiculous, of course, but I have to admit, ever since then, when I put something on my lips in front of guys it crosses my mind and nags a little. *rolls eyes*

Holly 2/01/2011 1:16 PM  

Erin - THE MODESTY SURVEY. Yes my friend, I know the very site. It had the same effect on me when I encountered it, though the item that sticks in my head is about girls wearing bags with across-the-chest straps. When "modesty" interferes with practicality, it's no longer my problem. That anonymous mass of boys who find my messenger bag a stumbling block can deal with it.

Jenica 2/01/2011 1:24 PM  

I usually take sui's approach. I mean, you COULD wear a burka and try not to EXIST in the presence of men because they might find you (*gasp*) sexy; after all, (most) guys think girls are sexy. That's kind of hard to avoid. Or you could do what you want because you just want to climb out of the swimming pool, lick your fingers, wear lipgloss, whatever. I don't *try* to be sexy, but sometimes I just don't care. And I don't like burkas.

geekspawn 2/01/2011 4:09 PM  

Erin and Holly- my mom got me the book "Do Hard Things" by the kids who made the website. I didn't like the book at ALL but went on the website to see this whole Modesty Survey thing anyway.
Pretty much the most ridiculous thing I've ever read.

Holly 2/01/2011 8:52 PM  

Jenica - You make me grin, chica. You're wonderful and that is just what I would like to do too.

geekspawn - Oh, it was the same people! I didn't know that, or I'd forgotten it.

geekspawn 2/01/2011 9:45 PM  

Yeah, it is. Their brother's also the guy who wrote I Kissed Dating Goodbye. :P

Shawn Elyse 2/01/2011 10:59 PM  

Mm... I wish I could have an honest talk with my brother about this stuff. He's totally oblivious... but as I gather it, there are some things that really are problematic. But seriously, book bag straps and licking your fingers... that kind of stuff should not be an issue. If it is, I would argue that the guys need to learn to deal with it. :p
I'll go shut up now. ;D

Dawn 2/01/2011 11:30 PM  

well said

Michael D. Lockhart 2/01/2011 11:51 PM  

For this exact same reason I never take of my shirt in slow motion after doing heavy labor with a jack hammer on a hot day in front of an office building in order to drink a coke - I just hate being objectified.

Seriously though, you're right of course, and I'm with Sui: Do what you gotta do and try not to worry about the bullshit too much.

Holly 2/02/2011 11:37 AM  

geekspawn - Innteresting. Wikipedia tells me their parents were also important in the birth of the "Christian homeschooling movement."

Shawn Elyse - Some situations where immodesty actually is an issue and it's not just hypersexualization of ordinary things, you mean? I agree, although I also think that the church could better address immodesty as a symptom rather than a problem itself.

Dawn - Thank you...and thank you for stopping by. A new face is always a pleasure.

Michael - :D If that's not already a commercial, it's going to be. Thanks for providing a chuckle. Re: the Sui campaign, I like the way you put it. It's going to become a more conscious endeavor when I run up against this kind of discomfort.

Julia 2/03/2011 8:59 PM  

@Holly oh, I always do what I want to do. If someone wants to find it sexual, that's out of my reach and I'm not going to make it my problem. I'm not going to consider breast reduction surgery/minimalizers/any of that crap either. the only issue I have is that as someone very much interested in math/physics/the sciences/programming, I interact with the opposite sex a lot, and I'd really prefer that when I have the solution to a problem or an idea, they'd look at my face or at the paper I'm writing on rather than my chest.

Holly 2/04/2011 8:40 AM  

Julia - Good for you. That is an eminently reasonable expectation.

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