Consciousness

The waters of my brain are too murky lately to write easily to anyone but myself.


I'm still very young, but the world seems to have darkened significantly over the past several years as my understanding of it has grown.

I still believe that to see truly is the heart of all mercies. That seeing is where hope and possibility begin. First comes the clarity of sight — then hope. But there's pain between, in the space of gaining clarity.

And my body is so heavy from the pain of this work lately. I do not want to see any more    this society is terrible, I get it, and now there is so little left for me to stand on. I trust that with greater understanding, though, hope will return. Like second simplicity. Second hope.

So I am saying every day to myself, Do not run. Wider. Open your eyes.

8 comments:

Lacey 5/16/2012 9:46 AM  

This post says so much of what I'm feeling inwardly. Sometimes it's so hard to see the bright spots when everything seems so dark. Sending good thoughts your way that your eyes will open wider.

Nicole 5/16/2012 9:25 PM  

The pain of knowing too much nearly always hides itself in women's bodies. We have so much to hold up and hold together, that sometimes there's nowhere else for it to go. It makes us heavy and thick, slow and hurting.

To stay with that, and to open your eyes again is the greatest kind of bravery.

Holly 5/16/2012 11:07 PM  

Lacey, thank you. I am wishing light and full (hopeful) clarity for you as well.

Nicole, I think you are a rather wonderful soul... just so you know.

sui 5/18/2012 8:17 AM  

Hope and possibility. Yes.

That quote about second simplicity-- thank you so much for sharing it.

Nicole, that was beautiful.

If we open our eyes wide enough we will see the truth, and the truth will be beyond our imagining, and cannot be contained in depression, in despair...

Erin 5/20/2012 5:39 PM  

yes. and yes, this is brave.

Holly 5/20/2012 6:27 PM  

Erin - Sui's friend had this metaphor: it's only the half-awake who can despair; the fully asleep and fully awake cannot. So: eyes, open, forward, forward. It's all we could do.

Erin 5/21/2012 2:43 PM  

I LOVE THAT. I'm going to write it somewhere and keep it near me.

oh and I happened to be listening to this when I read it and it seemed somehow fitting thought mebbe you'd like http://youtu.be/GtW6crUOFQs

Holly 5/22/2012 10:16 PM  

Erin - listening now!

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