Notes

• This sweater smells like my dear one. I just got it in a secondhand store a few days ago and I haven't bothered to wash it yet, and it smells like her now and this is lining my entire night with happiness.

• Hungry. If I make some mac and cheese, will one or two of you please come help me eat it up?*

• I turn off the lights and raise the blinds on all of my windows and sit in bed facing them, looking out on the street lights, the night, the Berkeley hills. Sometimes I feel like this is not real, like I am still catching up with all that has happened in my life in the past year.

• My regular cafe closed early tonight, which interrupted my workflow — by which I mean, my ability to handwrite the same thirty words another seventy-five times tonight.

• I love this time of year. The light is changing and autumn is in the wind and I feel free. I live in a wonderful place, and I have family to visit when I please, and a person solid and lovely as the earth to belong to and with. And I have work that allows me to buy groceries and eat in cafes and get enough sleep and pay my own rent and spend time outside on my bike, and that is pretty great even if the actual work ("work") is pretty unimpressive and unfulfilling.

• Realization: my affection for/preoccupation with the past has more than a little to do with the fact that in retrospect, unlike in the present, I know what is going on.

*edit: I can't wait for pasta right now, or you. Slicing cheddar off the block instead.

4 comments:

Anonymous 9/20/2013 3:43 PM  

I'll come eat mac and cheese for/with you anytime.

-sui

Holly 9/22/2013 11:08 PM  

Sui - <3 <3 <3 My cheese comrade!

sui 10/12/2013 2:08 AM  

it's funny, love. I was just thinking about the past and how I'm focused on it as well; I just wrote a text: I think I'm a person who understands/focuses on the past much more than the present or future/I'm constantly reflecting and looking back, and I like to be nostalgic/so the future honestly scares me. especially since I've learned in the past few years how unpredictable life can be.

and I came back here to leave a comment, and reread your realization about the past, as well, only to find that I think we came to similar conclusions about ourselves!

love. xx

Holly 10/15/2013 11:33 PM  

sui - Yes, I think so. xx

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