Dissociation + loneliness

Here is an anxious response my mind sometimes produces: The sensation that I am possibly inside a movie, alone, and this movie is all that exists, and no one else in it is real. I see sort of from the camera's perspective as well as from my own. If I put on my headphones and the right/wrong song, my mind wants to go swirling out the top of my skull.

(Is that tiresome of me to talk about? Possibly. Bear with me.)

The feeling of being alone lingers. The world sometimes this very large and silent thing that I rattle around in.

Tonight on my train ride home I am thinking, Alone alone alone and feel so sick and sad of it that for once I stop and think up another thought to correct that one and dissipate the mood it brings — Supported and loved, and exploring my freedom and space, and tonight honestly, yes, it does help, and honestly it is more accurate too.

2 comments:

sui 12/12/2013 9:52 AM  

love, I've been feeling this way, so much, too. there is much to talk about in person, soon, my dear. I'm kind of glad we didn't get to skype; face-to-face will be much better. <3

Holly 12/14/2013 9:22 PM  

sui - I am so looking forward to this. may there be much brain-vomit!

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